How Should I Wake Up My Son For Fajr?

Q. My son just turned seven and I have just begun waking him up to pray Fajr. It is a struggle! When I tell him to wake up, he doesn’t respond unless I raise my voice or get stern. I don’t like the idea of getting upset at him first thing in the morning, but it is frustrating. What would you advise?

Our obligation as parents is not merely to get our young children to perform the action of praying fajr. Rather, our obligation is to get them praying fajr in a way that trains them for their own independent religious lives as adults. In other words, we need to get them praying fajr in such a way that by the time they reach puberty, they are praying fajr on their own without our having to nag them or make them pray.

If our children find it unpleasant to wake up for fajr and we force them to wake up by threatening them with our authority, we are making it even more unpleasant for them to wake up for fajr. We are compounding the unpleasantness of getting out of bed with the unpleasantness of a threat of punishment from someone who they want to love. They might get out of bed, but they won’t like it. Our goal is not to force a grudging religious compliance. Our goal is to make them love to be religious.

That, in fact, is what being religious is all about. The Holy Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) said, “Verily religious compliance is extremely easy and no one will make religious compliance difficult except that it will defeat him.” (Bukhari) Scholars explain that this hadith means that true religiosity is performed eagerly and that if religiosity is associated with force and compulsion, it will remain an outward shell that will disappear with time. 

A truly religious person loves to wake up for fajr. Our job is to make our children truly religious, not to get them to submit to our authority. Instead of using your authority to threaten your son out of bed, try something like this.

Get into bed with your son and snuggle him. Rub his cheeks, squeeze him, kiss him, and tell him you love him. Tell him that he’s a big boy and that you’re proud of him for waking up for fajr. If you are doing this right, then your son will wake up a little bit, enjoy his dose of morning love, and come closer into your snuggles. 

Continue giving him love and he will wake up a little bit more. When he’s more than half awake, you might want to tickle him, tell him a joke, and be playful with him. In the middle, you can occasionally give your voice a stern yet gentle tone to emphasize the importance of the prayer. Then go back to giving him love. 

If you keep at it for long enough, your son will eventually wake up. When he does, stay with him, take him by the hand, walk him to the bathroom, and help him make wudu. Your loving company throughout the process of getting up for fajr and performing the prayer is a key part of helping your child be religious. Don’t just tell him to pray on his own. Instead, pray with him and give him more love and encouragement after he prays. If he wants to go back to sleep after praying, take him back to bed and tuck him in.

Note the difference between the two approaches. The first approach uses parental authority to threaten the child and internally drives him away from you. The second approach uses parental authority to coax the child and internally draws him towards you. The first approach makes the child submit to authority and do something against his will. The second approach makes the child love to be with you (and, through you, with the fajr prayer) more than he loves to snuggle in his bed, and helps him pray willingly. In the long run, the first approach will make the child want to escape from your authority. In the long run, the second approach will make the child want to be someone who worships Allah Most High just like you do.

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If you liked this answer and you have kids, you might be interested in Raising Religious Children.